Confessions of a Conscience

Today's post is on little more of a personal note than usual, a long overdue self-critique of the conscience if you will, which I am afraid to say falls somewhat short of my own expectations. It's been a little quiet on the blogging front over the past week. You know how it is; work, assignments, a little cold and flu and before I knew it I was feeling completely drained with nothing left to give. I know this isn't unusual, most of us lead extremely busy lives and at the end of the week you want to keep what little time and energy leftover you have for yourself.

I got up this morning and all I wanted to do was draw the curtains, put on a dvd and spend the day vegetating on the couch but much to my dismay, not long after I picked up the remote, the little voice in the back of my head started: "Really? You have a whole day at your disposal, you don't feel sick anymore, there are no assignment deadlines hanging over your head or pressing engagements and you're just going to sit here and do absolutely nothing?!". I then started thinking about this blog and wondering why I wasn't feeling more motivated to make up for lost time when all week I'd been wishing for this exact opportunity to devote myself to the cause which I usually feel so passionately about. Then it hit me, I was avoiding it. But not due to a lack of interest or passion. I was only avoiding the blog because I wanted to avoid myself.

With each post I publish (whether it is always evident or not) I examine my own social conscience and this week that means examining the lack of it. That is not to say of course that this week I have conducted myself with absolutely no consideration of the world around me. I have smiled at strangers, I have stopped to let people in during peak hour traffic, I have taken my family Easter gifts, I have stood up on the bus to let others sit down, I have recycled. However, none of these things were very out of the ordinary, they took no real extra effort and considering the purpose of this endeavour is to step outside my comfort zone and really push my social conscience to a higher level, I feel as if this week I have failed. But...

"There is no failure except in no longer trying." - Elbert Hubbard

So this is my confession: this week I have not done all that I can and I have not been the best that I can be. I am not perfect, but that is okay. To move forward I think it is important to let go of the guilt (which I never find a very productive emotion) and get up and start again. So I am clearing my conscience right here and right now and starting fresh.  I think sometimes we all get a little weighed down with feelings of inadequacy and there's no time like the present to acknowledge it, shake it off and make a change. I am so grateful that I have a new minute, a new hour, a new day and a new week to try again.